A Love Letter to Oakland, Melanated Folx, and People Who Happen to Be Whyte
Dear NINON Community,
In the words of Lynae Vanee, “Imma keep it black, but Imma keep it brief.”
Mid-October is the 5th anniversary of me being in the Bay Area. Over the years, people have consistently asked,
“Why did you move?”
“How do you like it out here?”
“How do you know so many people?”
“Wow, you’re awesome! Can I gift you $1,000,000?”
...Okay, maybe not the last one. But they should.
Honestly, the journey to this present moment was not easy, and I’m not entirely sure how I did it.
But let me try to explain how I created a community from scratch.
My Reason for Leaving New York
I was the kid that lived in the library. I would read historical fiction and watch documentaries about various cultures and moments in time. I was and still am fascinated by the world and finding the commonality within humanity.
Being from New York (the state, my love, not just the City), I was lucky enough to experience, emerge, and connect with those on a global scale, all while not leaving the state. I realize this cultural melting pot was a bit of a bubble and not a societal norm. As someone who’s tenaciously impulsive in being outside of my comfort zone, I felt that I was becoming a bit stagnant in my growth. I believe that growth and healing lie within change and the discomfort of the unknown and unfamiliar. If we want to be the change we wish to see in the world, we must lean into discomfort.
It’s easier said than done.
How I Got to the Bay Area
So, I applied to job opportunities based out of New York to lean into my growth.
I was on this journey to find my “dream job” (back when I thought my identity was by my work). Quick overview of how I got my “dream job”:
Applied to over 100 positions.
I went through six rounds of interviews with my dream job.
I received an offer letter from the company.
No relocation package.
No negotiation.
Start date in 2 weeks.
So, my tenaciously impulsive ass said, “yes, no problem.” That is how I moved from downtown Manhattan to downtown San Jose without knowing anyone within the area.
My Probationary Period with the Bay Area
*cue Ari Lennox’s New Apartment*
The move was hard. One of the many reasons why I chose to move to California was to achieve a work-life balance. The irony is it didn’t happen. I was working long hours and didn’t have the time and energy to invest in genuine friendships in the way I wanted. I was depressed. I was confused. I was hurt and sad. The work did not align with my purpose and the reason why I do what I do.
The cherry on top…
*cue outro in Chicago by Ari Lennox*
Two months after my move to the West Coast.
My grandmother passed away around the holiday season.
I was fired a week after her funeral.
From my recollection, it was due to my productivity not being where it needed to be.
The Irony of It All
How the fuck did I get here? How did I create a community? Establish a sense of home outside of New York, and what is familiar to me?
It took time, patience, and putting myself out there.
Five years later, as I reflect on the time passed, I notice the irony.
Professionally, the work I do is in cultivating spaces that foster community and connection. The assumption is that I am an extrovert who is confidently moving through conversations, and the perspective is I do it with ease.
Realistically, I am boldly shy and anxiously awkward, and these are some of the many truths I love about myself. Although, it does not always set me up for success in making friends, especially with the shocking difference between the American bi-coastal culture.
My ikigai, which roughly translates to my ‘reason for being,’ is to connect and support people. And by people, I DO NOT mean everyone; because in my journey of healing and self-care, I do not have the capacity for everyone, and I am also not meant for everyone. And that’s okay.
So, who am I meant for? How do I define my community? How can I connect with them? How do I maintain my peace while supporting them?
Defining My Community
My community is willing and doing the work (however that looks like for them) that is leading to the progressive change we want to see in the world.
I center and prioritize all BBIMPs, a term coined by Louiza “Weeze” Doran, on their healing journey. The people who happen to be whyte can come along too, simply come correct. American comedian and actress Amanda Seales does well to explain the difference between whyte people and people who happen to be whyte in her I Be Knowin’ comedy special on HBO.
I am forever grateful over the years for the learning moments, the moments of pause, displays of vulnerability, and all the people that got me to the present. My future self is honored and grateful.
Join me and some within the NINON community as we discuss how to navigate curating an authentic community. It is a free, virtual event, and all I ask is to come humble and be open.
Editor’s Note: The event has passed however you can watch it online here. Be sure to follow @withninon on Twitter and Instagram to learn more about our future gatherings.
Yours truly,
Andie
The unapologetic, healing black joy destined for rest and abundance